Home Wrecker

Watching the trailers to the upcoming movie "Just Go With It" with Adam Sandler got me thinking about how women are perceived and I guess what some women are willing to do.

So the plot is that this guy wears a wedding ring pretending to be going through a tough relationship with his wife in order to pick up women. Looks like an interesting comedy but do women really go "wedding ring hunting", if so then why?

We get upset when the person we are with cheats on us but I guess there are people who are willing to be the other woman. What do these women find that makes it worth being the other woman? So say that man is not married, like the character in the movie, would the woman be mad he lied? Does she have any right to be mad since she was willing to play the "home wrecker" role?

If the man was really married and she started to get serious feelings, would she except him to leave the marriage? Chances of that happening are slim yet possible...I suppose.

Why not look for someone single for you. Get all the perks of a relationship and get rid of all these secrets. Why look for something that is already taken and just get your own.

I am confused on the concept but some men and women will keep playing these games just as long as there are people who are willing to play. Personally, I am NOT willing to put more energy to be a secret than being in a relationship. I prefer a relationship built on trust and NO games. Call yourself a "playa" all you want, in all games someone has to lose and don't be surprised if it is you.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Answer My Questions

Not every question has an answer.
Sometimes "I don't know" is all you can say.

I want to answer every "why" and "how come" question to put people at ease, but that is impossible. When people are searching for answers, we stress and come up with our own answers.

We stay up at night with these questions "Am I to blame?" "Is someone else to blame?" "Why doesn't this work?" "What could I do better?" It is hard to close our eyes and be at peace with life's outcomes.

We are not in control, we are not supposed to know every answer, if we do then there will be no more adventures, no more surprises, no more learning experiences.

I wonder why...well, I will stop wondering since it all will be revealed to me later.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

My Passion

I am going into my third week of my masters program and the more I get into it, the more I can see my goals getting closer to me.  I love what I do and some may not understand it but others embrace it.  I work at an HIV clinic and everyday I get inspired from various people.  How it began was when I was 15 years old and I thought that World AIDS Day (December 1^st of every year) would be a good cause to help.  So I decided to single-handedly plan a fun run at my high school and I did that for three years and it was one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. 

I collected donations and from the lunch money of my friends, I was able to collect nearly $1,000 for those three years.  I do not think that is bad at all since I was collecting lunch money and no, I did not bully them to donate.  Some people get into causes because they have the disease or know someone close with it; but for me, it was just a calling.  I knew nothing about HIV, I did not know anyone with it, and at the time I could barely say Human Immunodeficiency Virus without stuttering over the word “Immunodeficiency”.

Today I went to do an interview with a Sacramento Kings player Darnell Jackson with a few of my colleagues and it was about the Greater Than AIDS movement that has been launched in 2009 and now partnering up with the NBA, the clinic I work for which is  CARES, and many other local and national partnerships.  There were two people who shared their story about living with HIV and every time I hear those stories, it just inspires me to fight harder so that my colleagues, who I consider as friends, can wake up one morning with a cure for them and wake up one morning knowing that their efforts erased this pandemic off the earth. 

You may not have that calling but please understand where my passion comes from.  It comes from seeing friends from the clinic disappearing, it comes from me hoping to find a cure so that we can kill this disease rather than it kill us.  Understand that this is preventable and we have the power to take the responsibly to talk to our partners about getting tested and using protection.   

Running To Death

I finally have a working out goal!

I really do not have a size in mind, I just want to tone up. So in order to stay on track an opportunity knocked and I'm welcoming it!

So my friend told me about this TEN mile run in April and I agreed to join the team. I hope she meant a 10k since that is nearly 4 miles less. Either way, I really want to try and do it. I used to run cross country (four years ago) so I just need to get back in my groove.

So I'm exited to seriously get back into running. I like working out, it is just better to have a goal. Not sure what shape I will be in by then but right now I just want finish without stopping :)

Challenge is an understatement but anything is possible...I suppose.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

I Need Rehab or Maybe Not

**
It consumes me
Day and night cannot escape
It blinds me
This mold it continues to shape
It holds me
No movement, my body stays frozen
It loves me
The feeling keeps my heart swollen
**
This feeling is what I get when I get motivated. All I see is my goal. I'm addicted to motivation. I use it like a drug and what I achieve is my high.

Get motivated to do better!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

What Do Men and Women Want?

I was asked this question:  What do men want in a woman?

Well, first women need to figure out what they want for themselves.  Do you want a funny guy or serious guy?  Do you aim for deep pockets or a guy who is tightfisted with their money?  I assume this is the same process for men as well. 

After we both look past the physical requirements, what is it that we want and what is it that the opposite sex wants?  Here is the answer:

What someone else wants may not be the qualities you have so let’s start with what you offer.  Write a list or go over it in your mind the type of person you are.  Are you kind, bossy, control freak, submissive, aggressive, etc. and realize that is who you are and there is not much that can change that. 

Now let’s figure out what we want for ourselves.  Now this is the hard part since it changes from time to time.  We think we want one thing but that relationship didn’t work so we switch it up and try something new, but that too did not work.  Hmm…where do we go from here?  This is why it is hard to say what anyone wants. 

We can change who we are or change what we want but we will never be completely satisfied.  You know when you order a burger and you specifically ask for no onions, light mayo, and add the secret sauce and when you get that burger it has onions, tons of mayo and the secret sauce was not how you remembered it tasting – you get upset right?  So we try to take out the onions, scrap off the mayo and sauce but when you bite into it you still taste everything as if it were never modified.  Well, in some cases, just like that burger, we can alter ourselves but there is still some parts of who we are or who that other person is that can never be changed.

Let’s not try to alter ourselves too much but put out there what you got to offer and let that other person do the same.  In some ways, I believe that guys want what women want so if you want someone who is honest, spontaneous, and adventurous then find someone who wants the same thing so from the beginning you can see eye-to-eye.  If later you find some quality that does not sit well with you then scratch that quality off your list and re-order a new burger and hopefully they get it right the 2^nd or 3^rd or 4^th time.

DST - it's the ONLY way!

Today is Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. Founder's Day and we are celebrating 98yrs of scholarship, sisterhood and service. I joined because I knew I can make large strides with women who's main goal is to serve their community.

So...What is a Delta?

Well...

A DELTA is what a AKA aint,
What a Zeta wanna be
What a Sigma can't.
What an Alpha likes
What a Kappa loves,
What a Que Psi Phi can't get enough of!!
Ooo-ooopp!!

I love making differences and impacting my community with all my sorors and the best thing about it is that you are not alone. There are so many women throughout the world that are doing the same thing.

As long as there are problems going on around us, a Delta will always be needed!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Superhero

As I close my eyes and dream
A superhero is what I aim to be
Nothing more nothing less
I only want the best

Flying high beyond the planets
Balancing more than what I can manage
Lasers to cut through my barriers
But beyond that it can get scarier

Bravery is what I need
To walk the path that is meant for me
Super strength to fight the battle
Deal with whatever I can't handle

A superhero is what I aim to be
Super powers to handle reality
Flying to seek new heights
But I'm just me, fighting my own fights

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Scales Lie!

Sometimes I feel pretty and other days I don't. I gained a lot of weight my first year of college...trust me, it was more than the typical freshmen 15.

In high school I had no problem with my weight and gaining so much really messed with my self esteem. Coming home to people and the first thing they say was "dang girl, you got thick" or "what were you eating out there?", it started to hurt after awhile. I just kept growing and I didn't think I could change it.

After awhile of self loathing, crazy diets, and intense exercising I decided to get over what people think and start losing for me. Not only lose for me but find the right size for me.

In total, I have lost 30 pounds. Some days I am satisfied with it but then again, will I ever be satisfied? I am still not the extremely skinny girl people knew me as. I debated going back to that high school size but it wasn't the healthiest looking either.

Right now, I feel pretty good about my size. At this point I just want to tone up. I do not want to lose too much, just stay healthy. I am beyond happy that I have to go shopping for smaller clothes! But I still fight with myself everyday.

So by march 18th I will be nice and toned and I will start training for a few long distance runs in the fall. Wish me luck!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Royal Flush

So tonight was the first time playing poker and I could not bluff enough to not show that I did not understand the instructions from the start. Now if we played spades, that would be a different story :)

After awhile I started to get a hang of it then right back to losing. Trust me, I'm a sore loser and I was trying my hardest to win.

As I looked around the table and saw everyone laughing and just having fun, I started to accept my loses and just enjoy the time - family time.

Enjoy the moments you do have with the ones you love since tomorrow is never promised. As a side note, I will be re-matching them later and enjoy a few more wins, a lot of loses and add more memories.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

School is lame but I need a job!

So monday is when I go back to school...LAME!

This is a little different feeling. I am actually look forward to it. I am currently in a masters program for public health and I love it!

This is weird since I always hated school. Despite the honor rolls, dean's lists, etc. I really didn't like school. However, I was always determined on the bigger goal. I knew that I had to get through this nonsense to get what I want.

I currently work at a clinic and I test people for HIV and encourage more youth to get tested. I didn't think I would make this a career since I originally wanted to go to law school. I majored in government and I liked it and I knew I needed to get through the drag classes to get the law school and be able to compete.

I didn't think I would like the MPH program but once again, whether I liked it or not, I have to do what is needed to compete and get ahead. Studying isn't something I look forward to, it's my career that I look forward to.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Who knows...but stay ready anyway!

I seen the above poster the other day and was totally confused on what it meant. I did some research and found out that this date was determined through some "bible math", yea I guess the bible has certain time frames that have a pattern.

From my understanding the bible is not totally complete since there are people who say there are missing books. If that is true then how can this "bible math" be as accurate as they say.

I was always told that we have to be ready at all times. We need to follow the Lord's path and repent when we do wrong so that we stay ready. Let's just say there is a date. Would this mean that more people will choose a righteous path? I hope so.

I am not sure when the rapture will take place but I do know that we need to be ready at all times. If this encourages more people to seek the Lord - great! That would be the best thing to come out of this.

Whether you believe in that date or not the point is to get closer to God, not in vain of course or that will do no good.

Stay ready so you don't have to get ready!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

today ONLY matters

YESTURDAY:
Finding myself is hard. I have cried countless nights trying to get the negative voices out my head - am I not good enough?

I give up.

Where is my knight to save me? Take my pain, take my burdens, take what is wrong.

I give up.

Why am I always wrong? Point fingers, scream, ignore me but I am asking you to teach me. Tell me what I have done.

I give up.

Go ahead and blame me like everyone else. I want to please you, you too, you over there but what about me?

I give up.

I am reaching out. Save me. Encourage me.

TODAY:
I have found myself. No tears, no restless nights. I am perfect.

Never give up.

I rely on myself. I heal my pain and I carry my own burdens. Nothing is wrong.

Never give up.

I am learning from my mistakes. I will learn on my own. Your lessons may lead me in the wrong direction.

Never give up.

It has always been about me.

I saved myself from giving up.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Road Trip!

So I took this road trip with my sandz (definition: my "Sandz" is my sorority sister who I crossed with). Anyway, we were coming from Los Angeles and the grapevine was closed and we were stuck on this freeway for hours. When we thought we figured out another way home but we were faced with road blocks and even more traffic.

A simple road trip to Northern California took us 16 hours!! Yes, 16 hours. We could have taken two trips on a scenic route in that time.

As I was driving, I was praying since I was a little worried that I may never get home. I just felt so scared and of course upset since it was 16 hours!!!! :)

After I prayed, I realized something. Why was I worried? Yes I was lost in SoCal but I knew that I would get home. I planned on a 5-6 hour trip but it is not up to me to plan. I have to trust that no matter where my destination is, the faith in God is the only map I need.

My faith in God helped me calm down and enjoy the ride with my Sandz. It was an interesting adventure but we are safe and sound.

Faith in God = No Worries

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

The [Love] Game

So I have to be honest first...I am not a big fan of the show "The Game" however, I did notice something that may have meaning in my life.

The character Melanie and Derwin broke up because he cheated on her and he saw her working at a diner and started to feel sorry for her I guess. He was with another girl at the time so talk about an awkward moment...to say the least.

So she later found out that the woman he was with was only trying to be with him to trap him in to having a baby via turkey baster and Melanie tried to warn him. I don't get the science of the turkey baster but whatever.

Later he comes by the diner to thank her for the warning and even offers her a $100 tip. I guess some can say it was for pity but I took it as he was reaching out to her. From what I was told they get married...happy ending I suppose.

However, my point is that I know many people go through some trials in their relationships and sometimes those $100 tips are a little bit more.

I believe we all have breaking points and sometimes it is best to leave and sometimes the love is so strong that no matter how hard you try to run away, you end up with the same person. In their situation, I suppose it was meant to be.

Humans are just that - human. We make mistakes. As long as we learn and do not repeat them. However, respect yourself and your limits. If you can forgive and let go of mistakes then enjoy your $100 tips. Only you know what that $100 tip means, it could be love, pity, desperation, honest apology, or whatever.

Learn then grow.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Happy New Year

Happy New Years to everyone!! Today is the day that I leave my past where it is...behind me.

Enjoy the celebrations but please stay safe. I work in a clinic and trust me, there are too many people who wish they would have made better decisions.

I do wish 2010 was a little better for me but I regret nothing since it has made me stronger.

Enjoy. Be safe.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5