Ready.

It's been two years from when I started writing. I wasn't as active on here as much as I should but I want to change that.

This year was full of struggle which involved my job, relationships, finances, not getting the internship I wanted and plenty of other nonsense. I really didn't see happiness for awhile. It really took almost a year for everything to turn around.

This year taught me to wait on Him and stop trying to do things on my own. Hopefully I stayed humble and I think I grew up a little from my trials.

I'm ready for 2013 & the blessings to come!

posted from Bloggeroid

Grief

When your loved ones pass away, many people try to comfort you by letting you know that they are in a better place and this is the time to celebrate their life and to think about all the good times you had with that person.   

Grieving the death of a person can be as equal to grieving the death of a relationship with a person.  Sometimes relationships end unexpectedly and we are left with many questions but there are times when we just know that it was all coming to an end but denial sets in.  
When there is a lot of pain in a relationship there is a sense of relief once that relationship is over and that you can start to live your life without any worries.  It hurts to see someone leave your life but it also starts to feel good that you can feel free.  You can also remember what was good about that relationship, maybe even learn a lesson or two.  People enter and leave our lives for a reason and looking at the silver lining can help remove negative feelings.  

There are many people that mean so much to me and I would hate to have them leave my life but sometimes their paths do not include me, no matter how hard we try.  Sometimes it’s for the best to move on with your life because you have to trust that they are in a better place in their life.  

A lose hurts but it can be for the best.  Remember the good times, learn from the challenging times and keep focusing on the future.   

posted from Bloggeroid

What a beautiful day!

What a beautiful day it is to appreciate the people who we all love and care about the most.  Sometimes they are going through life changes, tragedies and various other issues which can be a vulnerable place to be in.  

My family and friends are familiar to having to fight through challenges and overcoming each one.  I can testify that my faith has kept me near sanity because this year has been an interesting one and I am here to say that I am getting through it all and I am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel.  

For those who have lost a loved one – hang in there!

For those who are experiencing heart break - hang in there!  

For those who are looking for a job - hang in there!  

For those continuing to receive bad news - hang in there!  

Just hang in there because you too will see the light at the end of the tunnel and it can get better.   

If this does not apply to you then just take this time to reach out to those who may be dealing with some difficult issues/circumstances.

Enjoy this beautiful day to appreciate the people who we all love and care about the most. 

posted from Bloggeroid

It's Been Awhile

It has been a while since I wrote anything.  I felt a little unmotivated to do much lately and I hope I am out of that slump.  I have plenty to be motivated about because since I am taking some time before going back to school, I will have more time to focus on me.  But, what do I want to do?  

I want to start working out more but my old knee injures are coming back but I suppose I just need to push through it since I want to tone up.  Maybe I should take some art classes or writing classes to help me be a bit more creative.  There was a book that I was planning on writing but I forgot what the plot was :-)

Photography!  I totally forgot about that.  I need to get into that again because it just brings me a sense of peace.   

I just don’t want to have the same routine every singe day.  As much as I love not having homework, I just miss how it made time go a bit faster for me.   

However, being busy again reduces the amount of naps I get to have – so many pros and cons :-)

posted from Bloggeroid

My Examples

I look around and everyone I know is all grown up.  I am not talking about them just moving out their mom’s house, I am talking about really getting out there and starting their own path.   

One of my close friends is getting married, another one is starting a singing career, new jobs and promotions, graduate school and so much more is happening all around me.  I am glad to say that I have a good foundation of friends that we can all be examples to do better for each other.  

It is hard sometimes to stay connected with all of them but when we do get a chance to connect, it is like we never were away from each other.  One of my friends will call me when he does not see my number on his recent call list, which I love!  Or if someone asks me, “how is so-and-so doing?”, and if I can’t give new information then I know I need to get in contact with them ASAP!  

We are all over the place with so many things happening and I just want to say that I am grateful to have such good examples around me.

posted from Bloggeroid

Living In Fear

What happened in Colorado was horrible and my prayers go out to those families who lost someone that day.

There have been many tragedies around the world that has changed our views on the world and especially changed some of our behaviors. There have been comments from many people about not going to the movies or at least not viewing the latest Batman movie because of what happened. When I saw the movie this past Saturday, those same thoughts did cross my mind but then I realized I cannot live in fear.

I go to the movies at least once a week and it is a place where I like to get away and be distracted from daily stresses. I couldn't imagine not going to a place I love to go.

I don't know when my time here is up but I still have to keep living. However, this incident made me reflect on my beliefs and faith. I think having a closer relationship with God will reduce any fears I may have. This may not be for everyone but I feel it's my solution so I can continue to live with no regrets or fears.

Enjoy every second with your friends and family doing the things you love like going to the movies, because tomorrow isn't promised.

posted from Bloggeroid

Good Morning

Good morning to being free from stress of worrying about other people who did me wrong. The lies and sneakiness will rest comfortably away from me and they will wake up to karma.

Good morning to that "I'm almost there" feeling. Knowing there is something better coming my way puts my mind to rest.

Good morning to an open heart. I am finally making room for love that is deserving of me. I'm a hopeless romantic so I know it's out there.

Good morning to good friends, family, health and thank God I have another morning to wake up to.

posted from Bloggeroid

My Land of Opportunity

We give riches to the poor and hope to the hopeless.  This place allows for dreams to become a reality and we can now live off our imaginations.  However, I do not think this land just gives or allows for these things to happen.  You have to work hard for it.  

I am finding that hard work can pay off but sometimes the right opportunities do not come along as quickly as you would hope.  What more can I do?  How much more can I apply myself to achieve my goals?  There are many people who get degrees hoping for a better outcome and yet they too feel stuck in a hopeless situation.  

How many mountains and valleys do we have to travel through before we get to our destination?  “Are we there yet?  Are we there yet?” is what we keep asking ourselves.  Determination and patience seem to be the key to success and we will eventually get there – but when?  It just seems like an endless path.

I want to start making my dreams into reality but life’s distractions make it a bit hard to know that there is better coming.  I cannot wait to live off my imagination. Oh the ideas that I have!

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Just Try

I cannot promise you that I will be there all the time

I cannot promise everyday will be a good one

Nor can I promise that it will be easy.

But I am trying to be kind and understanding

I am trying to be patient and non-judgmental

I know you will not be there all the time

I know everyday will not be a good one

And I know that it won't be easy

Just try to be kind and understanding

Try to be patient and non-judgmental

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If Only Your Attitude Changed

"I am in debt."

"I am in a dead end job."

"I need a new car."

"My family stresses me out."

"The person I am with is driving me up the wall."

These are the common annoyances that we hear all the time.  "If only everything was better", we continue to say, "If only my life was easier.  If only I won the lottery!"

Many people apply for new jobs thinking their situation will get better.  Many people will go to extremes just to be "happy".  What happens if only you change your attitude?

In a daily word I received through a friend stated, "God changes us before He changes our circumstances. We are thinking, 'If only my circumstances would change', when God may be thinking, 'If only your attitude would change!'"

Staying in the negative does not change your outcomes but it only affects the people around you who you are making your punching bag. Why dwell on things you do not have and cannot control?

"Bloom where you are planted!" - stand out at your job or wash your car to take some pride in what you do have.

Right now you cannot change too much of your circumstances but if only you were positive about what you have.

If only you understand that your debt may be worse.

If only you understand that having a dead end job is better than having no job at all.

If only you can see that your old car still gets you from A to B.

If only you can see that your family stresses are rare for those who do not have a family at all.

Even though your significant other is annoying and getting on your nerves for now but if only a lonely person would have someone there to drive them up the wall.

Not every circumstance is the same and of course some are better than others but if only our attitudes changed then we can start to see some of the changes we think we need.

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Distractions

I have been trying to find answers to why my plan is not working the way that I want it to and it has been driving me crazy.  When something really matters to me, it hurts to get rejected whether it is a person, job opportunity or even something I just want to do for fun - hearing "no" does not sit well with me.

Spontaneous people seem to have the most fun since they just do things on a whim.  There are times were I am spontaneous but for the most part I cannot let go of trying to control the outcome.

I am just at a point in my life where I just want to be stable, own a nice condo, have the means to travel, learn something new, excel in my career and advance my education.  Hearing "no" about an internship I really REALLY wanted hurts because I felt like it would have lead me to the things I am ready for in my life.  I tried applying for a couple PhD programs but they want 3-4 years of management experience and I am not a manager so I have to put my education on hold which also hurts.

After so much rejection for the last 6 months, it starts to weigh on you so what do I turn to?  Well lucky for me I do not have an addictive personality so a quick satisfactions works for me like getting my toes done and going to the movies.  Something that will take my mind off the negatives and at least put a smile on my face.  I would rather have temporary satisfaction in gummy bears and a margarita than mope all day.  I know what the reality is but I have been dealing with that for awhile and sometimes I just want a distraction.

It sucks to feel stuck with no options around you but at least my toes look good!

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My View

The view outside my window shows the beauty I could never make.  The buildings are designs I could never imagine to make.  The trees and flowers are always at their brightest color.

The view outside my window gives me some direction.  I hate to get lost in a place I barely know.

The view outside my window makes me calm.  Seeing the sun and clear sky makes smile and wanting to start an adventure.

The view outside my window makes me wonder where others are going.  What brings them here and are they enjoying the beauty around them too?

Open your window and enjoy your view!

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Light After The Dark

Anxiety, fear and loneliness.  How do you cope?

I cannot do anything on my own and I cannot deal with my emotions on my own.  I was told that God only gives you what you can handle.  I truly believe that is true but it is hard to believe that I have the strength to handle what I'm faced with.

So how do I cope when faced with a challenge that seems to never end?  I start to question myself, worry, doubt positive outcomes and drive myself crazy!  It is a lot of energy taken from me and even though I know everything will be ok at some point but it is hard to stay positive.

Trying to stay positive is the goal.  I don't want to lose faith because I know God will be there and get me out the dark days.

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Worth

If I have to beg for it, it isn’t worth it.

If I have to lie for it, it isn’t worth it.

If I have to cry for it, it isn’t worth it.

If I have to take what is not mine, it isn’t worth it.

If I have to degrade myself, it isn’t worth it.

If I have to cheat for it, it isn’t worth it.

If I have to love, care, be kind, be honest and cherish myself – I am worth it.

Working Out Ain't Working Out

It is really that unrealistic?  Can I even do it?  I see plenty of success stories but I never have a story to tell.  Weight loss has not been my friend.

It is not even about weight loss, I just want to tone up and gain my endurance back.  Is that too much to ask for?  I was working out pretty consistently until mid-December but for various yet legit reasons, I just can’t seem to find something that can encourage me to get active again.  I am the type of person that needs someone telling me what to do – like a coach. 

I hate the gym.  It is my natural enemy.  What am I supposed to do in the gym?  Ok, so I can run for 30 minutes, then what?  I can tell myself that I am tired or fake a cramp then leave and never really get the workout I need.  I can lift some weights, then what? Lift some more?  I feel so lost in gyms. 

I don’t mind running but where am I supposed to run?  I do not want to be interrupted by traffic, kids, stepping in dog poop or even run behind someone who knows you are coming but does not want to move out the way so you are no longer in your zone. 

I want to do something fun while someone yells in my face telling me to suck it up and do 20 more.

I think I am just making excuses again, let me just get up and go workout somewhere J

Blossom

According to the dictionary, blossoming or to blossom is a peak period or stage of development.  

Our peak period is our most beautiful moment where we can shine and show the world everything that we have to offer.  Being at your peak or your prime shows your potential to master future obstacles.  When you are at your peak you can see the world for what it is.  You can now see how high you can go and how far it took you to get there.  The peak is a resting period as well.  You can gather your energy as your body starts to prepare to go down hill.

The stage of development.  We have to come from something and change or develop into something else.  We can become more beautiful, more talented, more gifted and anything else we strive for.  We all have to develop from being a child to being an adult biologically through puberty but also through experience such as moving out and paying your own bills.  We are constantly developing.

When do we know when we are at our peak or if the stage we are in is the last stage of development?  I think we have the potential to change at any time so it is hard to say.  Some people say their 20’s was there prime but others believe their 30’s or 40’s were better than their 20’s – who really knows.  

Stare at the incoming flowers and new leaves on the trees and take in their beauty and know that when you finally blossom you too will be noticed by many.  You will be admired and when your season is over your beauty, talents and capabilities are all that we will remember.

Just Keep Walking

Someone told me that they wanted to be like me when they grow up and I am having a hard time understanding why they would want to do that.  Nothing about me is perfect and nothing about my life is perfect.  I think it is flattering that someone views me as a good role model or someone they aspire to be.  

Not everyone feels that way though.  There have been a few people who have made it clear that I am not a role model and my shoes are not worth walking in.  That is fine because I feel that we all have our own paths and for someone to copy me, it would be a bit unnatural instead of following their own dreams.  However, I feel that people can find a better way to express themselves without having to hurt someone and having literally nothing nice to say no matter how hard I try.  

I do not like the term “hater” because to me it makes me feel there is a person out there who actually hates me and would rather spend their energy bringing someone down rather than redirecting their energy to pulling themselves up.  I hope no one hates me but I am starting to feel some sort of hatred coming from someone.  

If anyone were to take a walk in my shoes, they would see a path that is not smooth and clean.  I sometimes step in mud, gum, and sand that forever stay on your shoes and make me feel gross for the remainder of my journey.  But they are just shoes.  My feet are ok, I am not damaged and I can wash everything away and forget about it.  

They are just shoes.

I am who I am no matter how much gum, mud and sand I step in.  I am not damaged despite the small pause in my path.  I just keep on going in my beautiful purple shoes.

I'm Such A Tool

What is our life’s purpose?  We work, go to school, have families but is there more?

I watched the movie “Hugo” and there was a part where this girl questioned why she was on Earth and if she has a purpose.  She was comparing herself to a boy who spent all his life as a clock maker and had an amazing skill for fixing what many people thought were unfixable. 

The boy, Hugo, explained to her that he looks at the world as a big machine and all machines come with the exact parts they need and all those parts have a purpose.  If this world is a machine and the people are its parts then I suppose we all have a purpose.  If this is the case then what do we do best?  Have we figured out what our purpose is already?

Could it be possible that we are the tools to the parts that help make the world function?  When I look at the purpose of a hammer or screwdriver, I see two functions to them.  A hammer can put things together and take them apart.  The screwdriver can do the same, so it is possible to have multiple purposes?  Are we here to bring people together or tear them apart? Or both?

Sometimes there are extra parts that come with the machine and, at the time, you do not see a use for them so they are tossed in that one messy drawer we all have.  Just like that extra part, have you ever been tossed away?  Just like any tossed part, they are saved in your messy drawer and when you need it, you do not need to buy another part, repair an old rusty part but find the one that was on reserve.  Has a friend forgotten about you until a crucial moment and they reached out to you and realized what your purpose is to them?

So back to the original question - what is our purpose?

Are we the parts that have a function to make things go?  Do we have multiple purposes for various occasions?  Or are we on reserve for something better?

Whatever the reason on why we are here, we all have a purpose to making this world go ‘round.  Never dwell on it just keep living and you will figure it out, if you have not done so already.

*all photos will be produced and edited by me from now on - I hope you like my new hobby!